Introducing the Hundai Veloster, the latest addition to our car fleet. It’s a rental, due to a kid on his phone backing into my own car. I should have kept my mouth shut when I casually mentioned I would drive anything but a rental minivan.
Easily and mistakenly dubbed the Velociraptor, this car weighs in at 2679 pounds (incidentally that’s about the total of the damage phone-talking-teen did to my car), smells like cat dung, and will lose in any race it’s entered. Boasting three! – not four – doors, this car will hold 2.5 people yet has cup holders for four. The six inch window up the back end provides zero visibility when cars are flipping you off and barking at your disgustingly slow speed.
Don’t let the photo above fool you! Scenery does not go by this fast! Their website says “Build Your Own” Velociraptor and this thing proves just that. Someone built it himself with a Phillips screwdriver, a 150 year old turtle under the hood, and a turbo enhancement meant for some 80-year old’s golf cart.
Good news, fair readers, if you choose to build your own you can select from many bright colors including orange, royal blue, bright red, white, and shades of silver. You’ll need those bright colors so other drivers see you when they slam into your hatchback because you’ve topped out at 48.
*Must be six feet tall in order to see out the front windshield. All other exclusions apply, including happiness.